cookedwords’ blog

Has it ever occurred to you,
that you should never deny your ability for you to conquer through.
It's only comparable to let ones conscious flow.
I say it's your pulsing glow,
with a combination of your ungraceful show.
Or maybe it could be your budding foes
That only feeds you more.
Then you choose to exhale a cloud of ideas after you hit that doj.

Your lavish style, no effort needed to go that extra mile.
You're a natural, and that's factual.
When you choose to speak of actual condemnations,
friends that hear you out respond w/ total appreciation.
Might I add that you have a considerable amount of patience
with an additive of uncommon placement;
which undeniably still makes sense...
Damn, can i be your patient?

Everyone you touch allows them to exit their iron cages.
Still figuring you out, still thumbin' through your pages.
Can you please tell me your story?
Before time runs out;
before it's the end of the ages.

May I present to you my present to you?
Should i say sorry for the awkwardness?
Currently, that is my present mood.
I can't help myself, I cant fight it like Kung Fu.
Put me in your shoes so that I can express myself
rather than singin' the blues.

If it was February and love were a crime,
I'd still call you a dime and propose for you to be my Valentine.
Would that be outta line? Or would that make you shine?
If the constitution weren't so convoluted
maybe I would have the right to ask you right?
But not tonight, maybe not even tomorrow;
I ain't tryin' to borrow your heart and feed you unending sorrow.
I myself is tryin' to reach the top of self actualization -
quoted by Maslow.
I don't wanna play you like as if you were made by Hasbro.
The cash flow is coming in,
but my love for you,
I have to keep it bottled in...

Let's keep this short, we can call it abort.
I say we should leave it at that for now
since things are already contort.
I will continue to refrain my crave.
Let's keep it simple, and retain my faith.
I never knew hope until i met you.
I think our time will come when we can do the dew.
I'd like to seal this song with a smashin' happy fuckin birthday.
And one day you'll be here to stay...
to stay...

Life's kind of tough right now, for reasons some (and most of you don't) know. It's a perfect illustration on how life is never on a fixed line. It's like the EKG of a critical patient. For a while it's steady with the predictable bumps in the way, but sometimes it'll spike way up and you won't know what to do for a little second, and then it'll damn near flatline, and you still won't know what to do. Sometimes I get a little retrospective and wonder what's going in life. Obviously thinking of the choices far gone and the paths not taken. As someone as young as 25, one would wonder why I would be thinking in this manner in the first place. Life's the way it is, you know? You make the choices you make and live with them; consequence and reward. I'm an individual in a world where individualism is both embraced and shunned at the same time.

We applaud those who embrace themselves and their quirks and personalities. That's just the way so-and-so is. That's what we hear. But we think other things. And doesn't that matter the most? What we are on the inside? I mean, I kept hearing all the fucking time growing up, so there's gotta be something there, right? Funny thing is, though, in a world that is as material and vain and impression oriented, what's inside doesn't matter at all. How often do you really stop to think about what someone's really like after seeing them on the street? Excluding the obvious Wow, what's up with that bitch? thought. Nobody ever stops and thinks about anything until it's really too late and their judgment has been logged to that individual. So that's when people think others are racist, bigots, or all-around unpleasant individuals.

It's all bullshit. Appearances, clothes, make-up. The excess accessories everyone has (myself included) to present to the world and say this is me, this is who I am. What does it all mean? If it means anything at all. Who are we really showing off for? I'm not showcasing myself to anyone. I don't walk on a runway, I don't have a $4,000,000,000 contract to wear clothes. I'm a guy who writes in his spare time hating all the world around me as it slowly goes to shambles. It's like a stalactite that forms slowly over time and at first it's pretty, but then after a while, you wonder how it really got to the way it is. The world is changing, but I don't think I'm really moving on with it.

123,456,789 bottles of beer on the wall

Allow me to share with you, should you take the time to listen, the meaning of life. Many people spend their entire lives searching for it, thinking it's some complex truth that will make the universe suddenly make sense. I have discovered that it's actually quite simple, and it comes down to two words, which apply to everyone, regardless of race, religion, or creed:

Be.

Enjoy.

That's all there is to it. But to fully understand my meaning, you cannot take the words at face value.

First: Be. The literal meaning is one of existence, but here it is more. Be you, be a friend, be a brother. Now, i'm not saying you have to be a good person; contrarily, you could be fairly bad and still be following this basic rule. Be how you want to be, how you would want others to be to you. If everyone would do this, accept themselves as they are and just be, without worrying about impressing people they've never met, will never meet, and that nobody in the entire world has ever seen, their lives would be much simpler. What's the use of beating yourself up trying to be what you're not, just to impress someone you don't know?

"Enjoy": The definition is "Derive or get pleasure from." Quite simply, if your life isn't enjoyable, why do you live it? You have to, in addition to and perhaps because of "Be"ing, find a way to enjoy your existence. This does not mean just to have happiness; in fact, happiness and joy are independent of each other, and often confused. Happiness is what is achieved when goals are met, such as gaining status in society, learning the truth behind a lie, or beating a video game. This emotion is fleeting, however; when was the last time you've had this sort of happiness last more than a day? Joy, on the other hand, is perpetual happiness. It is brought on by extreme self satisfaction, or an ongoing pleasurable event. Joy is the emotion experienced when you know yourself, your needs, and what to do.

Few people feel joy. They feel satisfaction for completed projects, fleeting happiness from interactions with other people, but to have joy you must know yourself. Do what you must do, Be who you are, and Enjoy who you are.

To do this, you must take time and ask yourself, what do I like to do? Who am I, and where do I want to be? Learn yourself, and only then can you Be.

Be.

And Enjoy.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/279126743.html

1. Don’t pick on the weak. It’s immoral. Don’t antagonize the strong without cause, its stupid.
2. Don’t hate women. It’s a waste of time
3. Invest in yourself. Material things come to those that have self actualized.
4. Get in a fistfight, even if you are going to lose.
5. As a former Marine, take it from me. Don’t join the military, unless you want to risk getting your balls blown off to secure other people’s economic or political interests.
6. If something has a direct benefit to an individual or a class of people, and a theoretical, abstract, or amorphous benefit to everybody else, realize that the proponent’s intentions are to benefit the former, not the latter, no matter what bullshit they try to feed you.
7. Don’t be a Republican. They are self-dealing crooks with no sense of honor or patriotism to their fellow citizens. If you must be a Republican, don’t be a “conservative.” They are whining, bitching, complaining, simple-minded self-righteous idiots who think they’re perpetual victims. Listen to talk radio for a while, you’ll see what I mean.
8. Don’t take proffered advice without a critical analysis. 90% of all advice is intended to benefit the proponent, not the recipient. Actually, the number is probably closer to 97%, but I don’t want to come off as cynical.
9. You’ll spend your entire life listening to people tell you how much you owe them. You don’t owe the vast majority of people shit.
10. Don’t undermine your fellow young men. Mentor the young men that come after you. Society recognizes that you have the potential to be the most power force in society. It scares them. Society does not find young men sympathetic. They are afraid of you, both individually and collectively. Law enforcement’s primary purpose is to suppress you.
11. As a young man, you’re on your own. Society divides and conquers. Unlike women who have advocates looking out for them (NOW, Women’s Study Departments, government, non-profit organizations, political advocacy groups) almost no one is looking out for you.
12. Young men provide the genius and muscle by which our society thrives. Look at the Silicone Valley. By in large, it was not old men or women that created the revolution we live. Realize that society steals your contributions, secures it with our intellectual property laws, and then takes credit and the rewards where none is due.
13. Know that few people have your best interests at heart. Your mother does. Your father probably does (if he stuck around). Your siblings are on your side. Everybody else worries about themselves.
14. Don’t be afraid to tell people to “Fuck off” when need be. It is an important skill to acquire. As they say, speak your piece, even if your voice shakes.
15. Acquire empathy, good interpersonal skills, and confidence. Learn to read body language and non-verbal communication. Don’t just concentrate on your vocational or technical skills, or you’ll find your wife fucking somebody else.
16. Keep fit.
17. Don’t speak ill of your wife/girlfriend. Back her up against the world, even if she’s wrong. She should know that you have her back. When she needs your help, give it. She should know that you’ll take her part.
18. Don’t cheat on your wife/girlfriend. If you must cheat, don’t humiliate her. Don’t risk having your transgressions come back to her or her friends. Don’t do it where you live. Don’t do it with people in your social circle. Don’t shit in your own back yard.
19. If your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel good about yourself and bring joy to your life, fire her. That’s what girlfriends are for.
20. Don’t bother with “emotional affairs.” They are just a vehicle for women to flirt and have someone make them feel good about themselves. That’s the part of a relationship they want. For you it is a lot of work and investment in time. If they are having an emotional affair with you, they’re probably fucking someone else.
21. Becoming a woman’s friend and confidant is not going to get you into an intimate relationship. If you haven’t gotten the girl within a reasonably short period of time, chances are you won’t ever get her. She’ll end up confiding to you about the sexual adventures she’s having with someone else.
22. Have and nurture friendships with women.
23. Realize that love is a numbers game. Guys fall in love easily. You’re going to see some girl and feel like you’ll die if you don’t get her. If she rejects you, move on to the next one. It’s her loss.
24. Don’t be an internet troll. Got out and live life. There is not a cadre of beautiful women advertising on Craigslist to have NSA sex with you. Beautiful women don’t need to advertise. The websites that advertise with attractive women’s photos and claims of loneliness are baloney. All they want is your money and your personal information so that they can market to you. The posts on Craigslist by young “women” seeking NSA sex, and asking for a picture are just a bunch of gay troll pic collectors. This is especially true if the post uses common gay lexicon like “hole” as in “fuck my hole” or seeks “masculine” men, or uses the word cock (except in the context of “Don’t send a cock shot.”) There are women on Craigslist. They are easily recognizable by their 2-5 paragraph postings. Most are in their 30's or older.
25. When you become a man in full, know that people will get in your way. People who are attracted to you will somehow manage to step in your path. Gay guys will give you “the look.” Old people will somehow stumble in front of you at the worst time. Don’t get frustrated. Just step aside and go about your business. Know that these are passive aggressive methods to get you to acknowledge their existence.
26. Don’t gay bash. Don’t mentally or physically abuse people because of who they are, or how they present themselves. It’s none of your business to try to intimidate people into conformity.
27. If your gay, admit it to yourself, your parents, your friends and society at large. Be prepared to get harassed. See rule 14. If someone threatens you or assaults you, call the cops. Have them arrested. You have no obligation to self sacrifice because of who you are. As a gay person, you’ll have more social freedom than straight men. Use it to protect yourself. Be prepared to get out of Dodge if your orientation makes your life unbearable. Move to San Francisco, New York, Atlanta, or New Orleans. You’ll find a welcoming community there.
28. Don’t be a poser. Avoid being one of those dudes who puts a surfboard on top of their car, but never surfs, or a dude with a powder coated fixed gear bike and a messenger bag, but was never a messenger. Live the life. Earn your bona fides.
29. Don’t believe the crap about the patriarchy. More women are accepted and attend college. More degrees are awarded to women than men. Women outlive men. More men commit suicide. Men are twice as likely to be victims of violence, including murder. If you consider sexual assaults in prisons, twice as many men are raped as women (society thinks prison rape is funny). The streets are littered with homeless men, sprinkled with a few homeless women. Statically, women are happier than men. The myth that girls are being cheated by are educational system is belied by the fact that schools are bastions of femininity, mostly run by and taught by women. Girls outperform boys in school. It is the boys in school getting fucked over, and prescribed Ritalin for being boys. Real wages for men are falling, while real wages for women are rising. Just because someone says something enough times, doesn’t make it true. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
30. Remember, 97% of all advice is worthless. Take what you can use, and trash the rest.

muSHROOMs

Is it possible to follow a spiritual path without the guidance of any organized religion? I certainly think so. But I’ve learned the hard way that there is no easy way. I’ve been wandering around for years looking for clues to guide me. I’ve tried easy fixes, pat little formulas like “Be here now” or “This is It” or “God is Love” or “The Path of Least Resistance”. Nothing makes living with quality and integrity easy. The only real choice you have is how you learn and grow from your experiences.

Organized religion offers a tested path. Sometimes it’s better to seek a known path rather than potentially getting lost finding your own. On the other hand, getting a little lost is a sure way to learn the territory well. As with any solution, one size doesn’t fit all. Perhaps a hybrid mish-mash of the best of all paths would be more adaptable to different needs. My exploration has certainly exposed me to wisdom I would not have “invented” on my own.

What I’ve found in my search for spiritual growth are a few simple rules (patterns*) which have no particular religious affiliation, but which can be found in almost any religious prescription. I like to think they are deeply thought common sense. (*since writing this, I have decided that the word “rules” has too strict a connotation- please allow me to call them “patterns“)

Pattern 1: The existence of a “soul” which lasts after this life is impossible to prove. Yet, though there may be no “spirit” after life, the fact is, our energy is never born and never dies. A cloud is water vapor, which may become rain, then a river, then steam or ice. So there is in fact a continuation of “me”, albeit in a different form. One could even deem this “continuation” of energy a spiritual axiom, though few would find it comforting. Consider this. No matter how important or “everlasting” you wish your personal self to be, your life will inevitably pass into some other form which can never really be known. So the bottom line is that we need to make the best, best, best possible life we can with the one we have.

Pattern 2: The fact is, we are not separate from the rest of the world. Our bodies are only minimally separated by porous skin from the air around us and from the rest of the physical world. Because of this illusion, it is incredibly easy to believe that we are alone and separate from the world. If we believe this long enough, we make it true. Our minds will make it true. Many of us live in this lonely hell. But if we can stay open to the idea that we are part of something greater than our individual self, we can, with lots of patience and persistence, thrive on our intrinsic connection to the world. Everything we do affects more than just ourselves. Caring for our bodies is caring for the world. Caring for a family member is helping all humanity. Caring for a plant or animal is embracing compassion. Helping planet Earth helps yourself. A smile felt from your heart goes to someone else’s heart. On the other hand, anger at one’s self is harmful to the world, and on and on through all the emotions of the lonely, false self. (this rule is the hardest for me to realize, by far, yet it is perhaps the most important)

Pattern 3: Accept your uniqueness and begin by loving yourself. You are the beginning of the rest of the world. Embrace this fact. You cannot love anyone if you can’t love yourself. I do not mean smug self-adoration over all others. This kind of false self love is toxic. It indicates that pattern two, our universal connectedness, has not been noticed. One must be responsible for one’s actions and even one’s thoughts. Only we can monitor our own psychological reality as it occurs to us. Hateful thoughts and words are only a breath away from similar actions.

Pattern 4: Learn from mistakes, yours and others. Life is like music. Becoming spiritual means playing that music more beautifully, with more meaning. Pay attention. No matter how much we read or listen to the teachings of others, we tend to have to “reinvent the wheel” to some degree. Ideas for improving your ability to give meaning to life’s music come from multiple sources: from friends, from books, TV shows, blogs, from a pet’s gentle eyes, a sweet smelling flower, the sound of water, and especially from your own inner voice. Listen to your conscience. A junior High School math teacher once said to our class, “Your conscience is like a pin prick which reminds you of what your gut is telling you. Ignore it long enough and you wear the pins down. Sooner or later you don’t feel the prick.” Don’t ignore your conscience. Don’t ignore your heart.

Pattern 5: Forgive as you go. There is a letting go in this feeling, letting go of impermanence, clarifying your spiritual permanence in a flawed world. Forgive yourself and forgive others, over and over, second to second, day after day. Forgive with each breath. Forgiveness is letting go. Cleanse yourself with forgiveness. If you remain in a constant state of forgiveness, you are much more able to learn from mistakes and to love through suffering. This is a paradox. But the fact is, a clean slate is easier to write on.

As forgiveness soaks through every cell of my existence, an airiness fills me, a porous lightness which allows pain, suffering, fear, anger and resentment to pass through me, leaving more room for growth and love.

She was an amazing specimen. She was. And I saw it from the beginning. But...I was afraid. I was afraid that I wasn't good enough for her. And I was afraid that she was just a dream, or a figment of my own wild imagination. She was the embodiment of everything I'd ever wanted. Was it possible for her to really exist? I'd have dreams of her before, coming towards me with open arms. Of course the face was always blurred beyond recognition, but I guess it was because I was supposed to find her for myself. And, when I did, I was scared she wasn't real.

As amazing as she is, for some reason no one has seen her the way I do. No one's seen how extraordinarily special and uncommon this beautiful specimen was. And for that I felt great pity. Not for her, but for those who've not had the fortune of seeing such a spectacular sight. I just couldn't understand how she could have gone on unnoticed for so long. I mean, from the first time I met her I saw it. And I couldn't believe it. It couldn't have been true, she couldn't really exist. Only.. she did. And when that realization hit, I was terrified. I was terrified because this being, this person, she was everything I've ever longed for. She was that dream, that blurred face. And I couldn't reach out for her. I was terrified because I couldn't have her. And life has an unusual knack for being cruel.

So I sat back, watching with great sadness, as this perfect person walked around going unseen for what she really was. And as hard as it was, I didn't even let her know that I knew. Now, I'm not saying that she sees herself as the incredible person that I see, I just meant I didn't tell her what I saw in her. I didn't tell her how I felt. And I bit my lip every time I'd talk to her. All because I was afraid. In my head, I knew I couldn't have her. She was too perfect to be had. She was my dream, and we can never really have our dreams, right?

The optimist says the glass is half full.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The realist says "Do I need to get milk on the way home?"
The philanthropist says "Drink up!  There's more where that came from!"
The fatalist says "Drink up!  The world's about to end!"
The alarmist says "There won't be enough liquid to quench my thirst!"
The optometrist says "Which is better, one or two?"
The humorist says "Did you hear the one about the glass?"
The dentist says "Thanks, but I just brushed my teeth."
The florist says "Oh, that'll make a perfect vase!"
The absurdist says "A-wop-bop-a-loo-bop-a-lop-bam-boom!"
The communist says "We will all have an equal portion of the contents of the glass."
The nepotist says "I will share the remaining liquid, but only with family members."
The monopolist says "I refuse to share what's left in the glass."
The Buddhist says "I am at one with the glass."
The atheist says "There is no Glass."
The nihilist says "We must destroy the glass!"
The pacificst says "I will do nothing to harm this glass as it is against my principles."
The abolitionist says "Ban the liquid!"
The feminist says "Women should also be allowed to drink from the glass!"
The preservationist says "We must do nothing to disturb the fragile and wondrous beauty of this glass."
The artist says "No! No!  Not another sip.  It's a MASTERPIECE!"
The cartoonist says "Oh, I've got the perfect caption for this!"
The conformist says whatever you tell him to say.
The novelist says "It was a dark and stormy glass…"
The perfectionist says "The glass contains 49.999999999% of the liquid it previously contained."
The psychologist says "Verrrrrrrrrry interrrrrrrrestingggggg."
The racist says "The glass is the wrong color."
The urologist says "HEY!  This is APPLE JUICE!"
The motorist spills the remaining liquid in his crotch when he hits a pothole.
The illusionist makes the glass disappear.